Kids and Docs

Hi Afra!

You did a great job but I think that you can Crystallize this further. You should add more detail to each scene -and I don't know what you want to ask your interviewees so make sure that you bullet your questions.

Here are a few amendment questions:


“Cliques”by Afra Siddiqui
1. EXT. Universal School – Morning - est. shot
-describe what your shot is. Make this detailed! You are selling your entire story in this first scene! Make it interesting.

2. INT. Universal School –Morning
Students coming in (fewer frames) or POV of a student walking in (fewer frames)
then
(more frames so it’s slower) get everyone socializing in their own groups
(should the camera be moving, weaving in and out of groups up and down or should it just be different shots of the different groups)
then
sound of bell ringing-everyone empties the hallways going into their classrooms-the dissolve thing V.O. (Voice-over)interview with Amira Matareyeh
Questions to ask:


-Better -but you need to be specific. Instead of saying fewer or more frames... say slow-mo shots of kids - or sped-up shots, and if you can think of a better way of saying that, then do so!... But be specific with what you want. Treat it this way... you want your words to be chrystal enough to have anyone reading understand what they would need to do to acquire the visuals you created in your mind.


INT. classroom – morning
Montage of the students in classCUT TO:
ext. Universal school-time morning
Turns, focuses on car, zooms out and is inside the principal’s office

-Break it down! Get more specific: What color is the car? What kind of wood for the desk? What is the principle wearing? What does the sky look like outside? Is one of the tires flat? Does the teacher have a funny sign on his or her desk?... we want to know what you have in your brain?!?! really take some ownership and pre-visualise it!
-you are at a great point to start adding some detail here so congratulations!

Questions to ask Principle:


-Bullet the questions.

If the answer has something that can be shown, cut to image of that, then go back to the principal, maybe different view like profile or ?

-make visuals based on your bulleted questions.

Turns, zoom in on sign in office
Get pics of the nov. 5th movement and have v.o. talking about it

Go btw. Images of society and cliques in school
Have leaders at the end, play the end of A Dream by common, v.o. of freedom then credits

-I don't understand what you mean. Please be more specific here too.




-you did a really good job with this! We look forward to seeing the next phase in this story.


Peace,

Sean